This is a collection of ridiculously big-headed words that I have come across just within the last couple of weeks. The majority of them are from Bill O’Reilly, Dennis Miller, or Nathaniel Hawthorne. Here we go:
1. epistemological (i-piss-ti-mi-logical)
Of, relating to, or involving knowledge; cognitive.
How often does epistemology come up in a casual conversation? Never.
2. Aristotelian (a-riss-tuh-teal-yin)
A person whose thinking and methods tend to be empirical, scientific, or commonsensical
There are so many other words that describes someone who is Aristotelian, but if you deliberately and unnecessarily incorporate a famous philosopher into such a description, you’re exhibiting unprecedented douchosity. (additional, you should avoid using the word “douchosity”)
3. Swiftian (swift-ian)
Of, relating to, or involving Jonathan Swift, an English satirist born in Ireland (1667-1745); satirical, witty, sardonic
Seriously, just say “sarcastic” or “satirical.” JSWIFT only wrote like one funny essay worth reading. Get off the guy’s cojones.
4. jesuitical (jez-oo-it-ickle)
Specious or excessively subtle reasoning intended to rationalize or mislead
The origin of this word is actually quite interesting. Not to be confused with “Jesuitical,” (which means of or relating to the Jesuit religious order), “jesuitical,” with a lower-case “j,” became an insult to those who effectively “B.S.’ed” everything. Jesuits were, and still are, very academic, sometimes to the point of absurdity. Thus, the term was coined.
That being said, if actually used, “jesuitical” is right up there on the douche scale, particularly if it is used for means of self-description.
5. elementary (oh come on, that’s elementary)
Of, relating to, or involving the fundamental or simplest aspects of a subject
Even Sherlock Holmes, a model gentleman with class and suavity, looked like a straight up prick every time he said: “Elementary, dear Watson.”
6. nonsense (non-sen-imadouche-se)
Extravagant foolishness or frivolity; jabberwocky; subject matter, behavior, or language that is foolish or absurd
“Oh, darling, don’t be a fool, that’s just nonsense.” (What the hell did that mean?) I’m not sure, but the word itself encompasses a very pompous, pretentious aura that is best personified in a greasy 40-year old man with a cigar, velvet bathrobe, and an unhappy trophy wife.
7. Machiavellian (mah-key-uh-vill-ee-in)
Suggestive of or characterized by expediency, deceit, and cunning; Of or relating to Machiavelli or Machiavellianism
8. antediluvian (ant-ih-dih-luve-ian)
Extremely old and antiquated
9. synaptic (sin-app-tick)
Of or relating to synapsis or a synapse: the junction across which a nerve impulse passes from an axon terminal to a neuron, muscle cell, or gland cell
All medical terminology, for that matter …
10. maelstrom (male-strum)
A whirlpool of extraordinary size or violence; a violent or turbulent situation
11. contrarian (cuhn-trair-ian)
One who takes a contrary view or action, especially an investor who makes decisions that contradict prevailing wisdom, as in buying securities that are unpopular at the time
Call me a delusional contrarian, but I think Plessy v. Ferguson probably helped the water fountain industry. (all respects to Stephen Colbert)
12. chitinous (kite-in-us)
of, or resembling chitin: a tough, protective, semitransparent substance, primarily a nitrogen-containing polysaccharide, forming the principal component of arthropod exoskeletons and the cell walls of certain fungi
In my great-grandmother’s final hours, her skin began to cackle and disintegrate into chitinous debristhat gently trickled down what was left of her frame onto the floor. I had to run and find a broom to clean up the mess, and by the time I got back she had died.
13. Freudian (froy-dee-in)
Relating to or being in accordance with the psychoanalytic theories of Sigmund Freud; a person who accepts the basic tenets of the psychoanalytic theories of Sigmund Freud, especially a psychiatrist or psychologist who applies Freudian theory and method in conducting psychotherapy
14. masticate (exactly how it’s spelled)
to chew; to grind and knead (rubber, for example) into a pulp
More than likely, the only reason someone would use this word is that it sounds remarkably similar to a much more inappropriate and naughty word. This is especially true if the speaker extends this word to it’s noun form: mastication.
15. prolix (pro-licks)
Tediously prolonged; wordy; tending to speak or write at excessive length
Anyone who uses the word “prolix” is prolix
16. expedient (ex-pee-dee-int)
appropriate to a purpose; means to an end
17. crux (crucks)
the basic, central, or critical point or feature; a puzzling or apparently insoluble problem
18. cathartic (kuh-thar-tick)
Inducing catharsis; purgative: tending to cleanse or purge, especially causing evacuation of the bowels
Taco Bell’s new Volcano Double Beef Burrito sparked a cathartic reaction within my digestive system
19. placate (play-kate)
to allay the anger of, especially by making concessions; appease
The only way to placate Al Qaeda is with nuclear force.
20. ameliorate (uh-meal-yor-ate)
to make or become better; improve
21. eradicate (ee-rad-ih-kate)
to tear up by the roots; to get rid of as if by tearing up by the roots
22. inconsequentiality
that which lacks importance; a triviality; illogical
23. Krakatoan (crack-uh-tow-in)
of, relating to, or involving Krakatau, a volcanic island of Indonesia between Sumatra and Java: a violent eruption in August 1883 blew the island apart and caused a tsunami that killed more than 36,000 people; typically used to indicate an abrupt, violent explosion
24. schpilkis
Yiddish slang for hemorrhoids
25. harridan (nan-see-puh-low-see)
a woman regarded as scolding and vicious; nagger
If you have any more, please let me know! God knows that this list is continuously expanding.
I think I speak for the entire world when I say that it is about time Fidel Castro finally just rolled over and died.
