Cool

I guess the proper way to start this thing off would be an introduction. My name is Aaron Weber and that other clown is Ian Sweet. We both grew up in Montgomery, Alabama but just within the last year have moved in opposite directions: myself to Nashville, and Ian to Gulf Breeze, Florida.

To understand the humor by which we operate and therefore live our lives, one single word must be adequately defined. It is the fundamental aspect of what we find funny, and without the aura the word emits we would not be where we are today. The word is: cool.

The word “cool” dates back to the year of 2005, when it originated in Montgomery Catholic High School as a verbal embodiment of complete sarcastic thought. The word in and of itself is more flexible than Nastia Liukin, able to work effectively as any part of speech: noun, verb, adjective, adverb (there is a legend that describes one using it correctly as a preposition, but proof has yet to be discovered). A select group of seniors identified themselves with this word, soon associating it with mocking slow-claps and thumbs-ups. This sparked an inevitable Domino-effect, as the word still thrives at the school, nearly 4 years after its inception. In addition to accounting for more than 85% of the words used at the school, “cool” acts more as an attitude, capturing the very essence of the school and likewise defining the students’ sense of humor in one, convenient word.

How can “cool” be used?

“Cool’s” most proper and frequent usage is simply to use the word as a one-word sentence, allowing the depth of the word to fully articulate whatever emotions you were trying to convey, rather than attempting to be unnecessarily loquacious. A properly placed “cool,” coupled with a slow-clap or a mockingly exaggerated smile can immediately crush a kid’s dreams or make a kid’s day.

Other uses include: “Yeah, man. Cool.” or “What’s up, cool?” or “…acting all cool.”

****Note: Do not pronounce the word as if it is spelled “Kewl”, since that sort of thing deserves a “cool” itself****

Who deserves a cool?

Determining whether or not someone deserves to have a “cool” thrown at them must be a quick and efficient process, as the window of opportune “cooling” is almost overwhelmingly a narrow one. One must make a quick summation of the person in question: Does he appear to think he is a cooler kid than he actually is? Does he idolize Linkin Park? Does a Hawaiian-beaded necklace compliment his Abercrombie & Fitch muscle tee?

Several conditions trump all other circumstances and demand an instantaneous “cool,” and sometimes even a slow-clap or a thumbs-up, depending upon the degree of the following:

1) If some cool wears two polos, one on top of the other, and has both simultaneously popped, it is your obligation to let this guy know how cool he is.

2) If he has a visible chained tattoo around his arm, and you can only see this because he is wearing a muscle tee, he deserves a cool.

3) If a guy peels out of the mall, blaring a generic rap song whilst he is sporting expensive clothing, he is both inconsistent and cool.

4) Any guy with racing stripes on a 1995 Mazda deserves to not only be cooled, but subsequently shot until killed.

5) Finally, and most frequently, kids whose attitude can be summed up by the movie”Never Back Down” are at the bottom of the cool foodchain. Sorry, you’re not really that hardcore. Furthermore, anyone that takes a picture of himself in his bathroom and posts it with pride on his Myspace has surpassed the need for a “cool,” and simply needs to be neglected by the rest of mankind.

If you still have no idea how to use the word cool, or just think I am a douchebag by now, then don’t fret. Hopefully this will clear up any questions about our sense of humor in upcoming posts. Thanks for reading, and remember kids: Never back down.